Christ I'm looking forward to food. What began as a nagging discomfort in Dublin I originally - and quite wrongly, it seems - attributed to a sudden onslaught of "proximity to Grogan's following an extended period of Groganslessness" and developed into frequent but treatable pain throughout the rest of my trip and escalated on my return to unbearable pain and two extended stays in hospital has my here.
Right now I have a 75microgram fentanyl patch on my skin and treat breakthrough pain with 60mg doses of oral morphine (severadol) around twice to five times a day to deal with the pain alone. I am about to head I for a combined ERCP (to view, clear and potentially replace the metal stent in my common bile duct) and EUS, which is a repeat of the previous EUS whose sole purpose is to treat pain by injecting alcohol into the nerves around my pancreas currently causing me all this pain.
I'm also barely able to eat, reducing my intake to little and often that has become three tiny meals a day - resulting in some pretty severe weight loss, making me look somewhat gaunt - at least one of which I am throwing back up on a daily basis. I am also so low on energy that I have been bed ridden and fast asleep most of the last fortnight.
It hit me this morning when I came into hospital and Zoe said "we've been surviving rather than living the last month or so, eh?". We sure have. I want so much for this procedure today to resolve this and let me get back to enjoying life again before I begin chemotherapy again inevitably in a few weeks.
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